The Persistence of Hope
by Pinerug
Summary: Set in episode 5, Captain James and Smurf have a few things to discuss before Smurf is discharged from hospital.
1. Chapter 1

**Thank you to those who have been in contact over my failure to update Operation Nyota for the last month or so. I'm afraid that I've hit a bit of a wall with that one - I know where I want the story to go and I've pretty much written the final chapter, but I'm not really feeling it at the moment and I'm unhappy with what I do write. I will return to it as soon as I can because I don't like leaving it unfinished.**

**The idea for this story came to me a while ago and I started writing it at the beginning of the year. I wanted to wait until I had it completed to publish it as I struggle to write angsty stuff. However, now I think I need to publish to give me the FEAR to a) finish it and b) get back in the habit of writing so I can get my head into gear to finish Nyota. (I suffer terribly from startyitis, I'm not one of life's finishers).**

**While we all inevitably focus on the love story between Charles and Molly, I wanted to get some closure into the relationship between Smurf and Captain James. The programme makes no attempt to fill in the gap between Smurf waiting outside of Captain James' hospital room and Charles delivering his eulogy at the funeral.**

**This won't be a long story - I've set myself 3 chapters because it's essentially one scene. Those of you wanting to see the best in Charles or Smurf might not want to read it, I don't think either of them cover themselves in glory in this story, but in my mind this is how I expect them to feel and react in this situation. They have both shown themselves to be sulkers and brooders, and given they are both used to being fit, active and in control I don't think they would cope well with being injured and immobilised.**

**In terms of timeline, this scene takes place at Queen Elizabeth Hospital, after Molly has been to visit and before Captain James has been discharged.**

"Captain James?"

Charles turned his head. A nurse hovered at the end of the bed looking apologetic.

"I'm not disturbing you am I?" Charles shook his head, there was nothing to disturb. He lay in this bed for hours, staring at the wall, thinking over and over again about his dreadful mistakes and the failure that had marked his final mission.

"You have a visitor, do you think you're up to it?"

Charles' heart raced. Sam was at scout camp so Rebecca wasn't due to visit, his parents were in France. No one else came to visit him, he didn't want to see anyone. Molly had come once, but he had been recovering from surgery, his recollection was hazy, but her visit had left a feeling of awkwardness and uncertainty in him. Since then he had retreated further, brooding over what he could have done or said to have made their brief time together better.

"Who is it?" He asked the nurse, his interest piqued. "Private Smith" she replied, "shall I show him in?" Charles' face fell briefly, but he quickly recovered. "Of course, but first could you help me sit up a little more?"

The nurse helped to adjust his pillows and raised the back of the bed slightly whilst reminding him that should he feel any pain in his abdomen that he should lower the bed again. She turned to leave and Charles took a deep breath, preparing himself.

* * *

"Boss" said Smurf, standing awkwardly by Charles' bed. He was dressed casually, tracksuit bottoms and a t shirt, his arm and shoulder strapped heavily against his body.

"Smurf" came the curt reply from Charles.

"Can I?" Asked Smurf, motioning towards the chair beside the bed. "Of course"

They sat in an awkward silence for a few moments, neither looking directly at each other.

"How are you doing?" Charles eventually asked, glancing up at Smurf. His face looked calm, but his eyes darted away from Charles' gaze.

"On the mend" came the reply, "I'm being discharged today, I thought I'd better come and see you before I go"

"Why is that?"

"Well, with what happened and that...I mean you're still my CO. I wanted to know what was going to happen"

"You've been interviewed by Kinders as part of the after action debrief?"

"Yes"

"Well unless they have further questions there shouldn't be anything else to concern you. There might be additional procedures depending on the outcome of medical checks, you needn't concern yourself with that now."

"I meant with you, Sir"

"Me?"

Smurf took a deep breath and raised his eyes.

* * *

This was a mistake. He thought that the passing weeks had meant he wouldn't feel so angry. Apparently he'd misjudged himself. Again.

Physically, he was feeling better, his arm was healing well. His physio, Sally had reckoned he should get full movement back if he stuck with the rehab. She was a nice girl. Friendly and bubbly, with short blonde hair. Once she knew you weren't some stiff she had a filthy sense of humour. In any other circumstances he would have been making a play for her, but his heart really wasn't in it these days. He knew he had no hope with Molly, she'd laid that out with unmistakable clarity when she had been to visit. Even if she hadn't he knew. He'd seen it in her eyes at Bastion, and again when she she saw him wheeled out after the operation. Him. This man in front of him now. He was it as far as Molly was concerned.

Right now, looking at Captain James he struggled to comprehend quite what Molly saw in him. He had always held the boss in high respect. When Smurf had been struggling through his basic training his letters from Geraint had been full of stories of Captain James. Geraint had finished his phase 2 and was getting ready for deployment. Captain James was the centre of his world, he almost seemed beyond human, motivating Geraint to push on with what sounded like all types of hell. He had encouraged him to try harder, to do more. Smurf had spent most of his leave teasing Geraint about being in love with his new CO.

But Geraint had been right, Captain James was an excellent CO, he was fiercely loyal to his men. He was fair; he had high expectations of them, but he repaid them by supporting his men and helping them become the best soldiers they could be. If you worked hard you didn't stay in his platoon long, you progressed through the ranks quickly. He was always on the look out for new opportunities for his best soldiers and he schooled and encouraged them to take these whenever they arose. Captain James knew exactly how to get more out of you than you thought you had.

When Geraint had died on that tour Smurf's mother had taken the loss hard. It was only during the inquest some months later that Smurf and Candy found out the extent of the involvement of Captain James in ensuring that Geraint was retrieved from where he fell and was medevaced to Bastion. The fact that these actions had not managed to save his life weighed heavy on the young Captain, but to Candy and Smurf if had sealed his place as a hero to their family. Through the fog of grief that they carried with them, the fact that Geraint had died in Bastion and that his body could be brought home was of great comfort.

Smurf, now out of basic had followed Geraint into the same regiment, and into the same platoon. He had shown more of an aptitude for the engineers, but he was determined to follow his brother into the infantry, and once again another Smith boy had been placed under the command and care of Captain James. Charles, coming back from his third tour to a failed marriage, a bitter wife and a belly full of doubt had looked on the prospect of training up Smurf as a second chance to right the wrongs of Herrick XV, and Smurf thought he was emulating his much loved and missed brother.

Smurf proved to be a keen member of the team. Where he was lacking, he tried hard, encouraged by his CO. His application and dedication earned him best recruit. He was not the natural soldier his brother had been, but he was well liked by his section, always keen to muck in and give it a go. He did not cope well with failure, he had a tendency to bear grudges and brood, which was far from ideal when you are living in close quarters with others and are dependent on them for your welfare. Captain James had found that in his experience these matters would resolve themselves if left to their own devices, although more often than not when they involved Smurf the timeline was a little longer and some input from himself or the Corporal was usually required.

Smurf emerged from his phase 2 training a competent and popular soldier. He worked well as part of his section, often as lead man in exercises. He seemed to be responding well to the responsibility placed upon him. Captain James had every confidence in his abilities and knew which strings to pull to keep him on his toes.

Now, six months later, back in the UK, both with a few holes in them courtesy of their last tour Smurf struggled to put himself back in the mindset of the soldier he had been as he waited with his section on the tarmac at Brize Norton. He felt too keenly the failure to live up to his beloved brother, the loss of hope for the first woman he had truly loved, and the respect for the man he once considered his mentor and friend.

"I haven't said anything about you and Molly, you know"

"What?"

"I didn't mention you and Molly Sir, you know, when I was interviewed about what happened."

"And why are you telling me this?"

"Well, I wanted to know, once you're better Sir, whether I would still be in your platoon."

Charles sighed. He had no answers for Smurf.

"I haven't said anything either. Before you get your hopes up, it's not because I feel any duty to save your sorry arse. Molly...Private Dawes, is a bloody good soldier, they are going to want to keep her in and I will not let this clusterfuck of a situation haunt her military career. She's got a hard slog in front of her if she wants to make something of her time in the army, she doesn't need to be dragged into this."

Smurf let out a sigh of relief.

"But as for you and me, I don't know. You were a fucking liability out there Smurf. I'm not sure I'm fool enough to let myself back into your company when ammunition is around. I don't think I've ever returned from a tour feeling more let down by one of my soldiers."

Smurf reeled from the harsh words of the Captain. But before, where he would have felt the weight of his disappointment in him, now he felt nothing but a hot flash of anger.

"At least I'm not some fucking Rupert hypocrite" he spat back, the rage crawling over his skin.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the first chapter, I wasn't expecting such a lovely response.**

**I neglected to thank jenmc for her beta reading of chapter 1, not to mention her general encouragement and advice. For this chapter I also need to thank the dedication of the mumsnetters who selflessly watched their OG DVDs (such a hardship) for me when I needed some fact checking. They make excellent continuity people (hint to Tony Grounds should it be needed in series 2. They would have remembered which leg was which - ahem)**

"_You were a fucking liability out there Smurf. I'm not sure I'm fool enough to let myself back into your company when ammunition is around. I don't think I've ever returned from a tour feeling more let down by one of my soldiers."_

_Smurf reeled from the harsh words of the Captain. But before, where he would have felt the weight of his disappointment in him, now he felt nothing but a hot flash of anger._

"_At least I'm not some fucking Rupert hypocrite" he spat back, the rage crawling over his skin._

The words caught Charles. He instinctively tried to sit higher and was stopped by the pain in his side. He bit down on it as best he could, flinching as he turned towards Smurf.

"Would you like to elaborate on that, _Private Smith_?"

"You told me not to let Molly know how I felt, that it was against the rules, that it would endanger the section. You put me off telling Molly anything and all the while you and her were getting it on."

"Is that what you think? That I told you to wait until we got back just to protect my own interests?"

"Didn't you?"

Charles sighed. Of course that is what it looked like from the outside. Even without the personal aspect between him and Molly his final mission looked like a complete dogs dinner. As far as he knew only he, Molly and Smurf knew what had happened in the bunker, and only he and Molly knew why. He cursed himself; his lack of self control, his weakness, his refusal to let her out of his sight; all this had culminated in this bloody disaster. And on top of it all here was one of his men accusing him of everything he had been trying to avoid.

"Of course not. I told you that because those are the rules. We were all there to do a job. A job that relied on us focusing on the objectives of the mission and not our feelings. The fact that you and I are here is proof of what happens when you don't follow the bloody rules."

Charles squeezed his eyes shut in frustration. He really didn't want to be having this conversation with Smurf, he never had, but he had put it off before, firstly at the FOB and then again at Bastion. His chickens had well and truly come home to roost now. "I should have talked to you earlier, I knew you and Molly had a past, I knew you had feelings for her. I don't know... I thought the fact that the rest of the lads didn't rate your chances, and that Molly was adamant that nothing happened between the two of you meant that you realised it was a non-starter. When you came to me with that ring I should have realised you were in no fit state and taken you off the mission. My mind was elsewhere, I cocked up"

"I wanted to go"

"I'm sure you did, but if I had any inkling that you would put her before the rest of the section I should have left you behind. The irony being of course that you didn't. You put yourself first. I split my focus and we all fucked up. Now you have that" he motioned to Smurf's shoulder "and I can't even sit up to wipe my own arse"

The Captain's words seemed to have poured cold water on Smurf's outburst. The man lying on the bed seemed a shadow of his usual self. Captain James was normally so together, confident and single minded. This man seemed eaten up with frustration and regret.

But any sympathy he felt was short lived when he thought about the last time Molly had come to visit him.

* * *

The section had had their medal presentation and they were all officially on leave. Molly had made the trip down to Birmingham to give him his operational medal. She sat at the end of his bed and pushed the velvet box towards him.

"Eggy said it was ok for me to pass this on to you. I'm supposed to salute or some shit, but I reckon I'd look like a prize pillock doing that here so I'm not gonna bother" she looked around the ward full of other injured soldiers.

Smurf touched the box but didn't open it. He didn't know whether he wanted to see it. All he could think about was Geraint. He'd never got his medal. He hadn't survived to come home, and instead Smurf had made it, despite being shot twice. The box almost seemed to be mocking him. He'd cocked up so many times and yet here he was. His brother had been an excellent soldier, everyone said so, but he had died.

He glanced up at Molly "thanks for this" he said, his voice thick with emotion. She was still perched awkwardly on the bed, looking down at her hands and biting her lip.

"Do you fancy a walk?" she asked

"Alright" he replied, quickly shoving the box in the bedside cabinet.

They wandered the hallways of the hospital, mostly in silence. Eventually Molly suggested they sit in one of the courtyards and they found a bench in a quiet spot. It was a lovely late spring day, the last of the daffodils were fading and making way for the tulips, the tree above them had a sprinkling of new leaves pushing out of swollen buds.

"Nice spot you've chosen here Molls." Said Smurf. The atmosphere between them was thick and he desperately tried to think of anything to break the tension.

"Smurf..." started Molly, "shit" she muttered to herself, leaning her elbows on her knees and smoothing her hair over her plait.

"That's my name" he replied in a feeble attempt to lighten the mood.

"You're gonna have to shut it. I've got to say this and I can't do it if you keep on chipping in." Molly kept her eyes resolutely on the ground, focusing her gaze just in front of her desert boots.

"You don't have to say anything Molly" Smurf mumbled, he knew what was coming and didn't want to hear it.

"Yeah, I do. I can't have you thinking the wrong thing again Smurf. We need to know how we stand."

"Well you're about 5 foot nothing" he joked trying to head off the inevitable.

"I mean it Smurf. Can it."

Molly took a deep breath and sat up, she looked Smurf in the eye. "You need to know that nothing will ever happen between us"

"Yeah, I know, because you love the bossman"

"No, that's not why Smurf. Because I don't love you. Not like that. I don't think of you in that way."

"Bloody hell Molls, let a man down gently why don't you?"

"This is why I said not to interrupt me. I don't know how to tell you this in a nice way. I don't think there is a nice way to say this sort of thing is there?"

"But what about Guildford?"

"For christs sake, that was just a shag. I was drunk, I was horny, you showed me some attention and I fancied it. That's all it was."

"Not for me."

"Yes it was. If I had meant anything you would have called me. You had my number. If I hadn't had walked into Brize six months ago you wouldn't have given me a second thought."

Smurf shook his head, "But on tour, I got to know you. I fell in love with you" he made to hold her hand but she snatched it away, folding her arms.

"I only ever wanted to be your mate Smurf, nothing more. Don't you understand that? I never meant for this to be anything more." tears started to prick at her eyes and she tried to hold them in.

"Maybe if things had been different... If you hadn't met the boss"

"No. We're just going around again. This has nothing to do with him. I just don't feel like that about you. I won't ever."

"Don't say that Molly" Smurf's voice cracked and Molly looked at him. Both their eyes held a deep sadness and were swimming with unshed tears.

Molly reached into her pocket and pulled out his ring.

"You should have this back. I can't keep it. It would be wrong. You gave it to me thinking something that I can't feel in return. Keeping it will only make you think there's a chance I'll change my mind and I won't"

"I don't want it back"

"I can't keep it"

"Yes you can. You don't have to wear it if you don't want to. Stick it in a drawer or hock it or something, just don't give it back to me."

"But it means something to you, it's your mum's ring."

"It's bought me about as much luck as it did my Mam. He buggered off and left her for someone else as well. Look on the bright side, at least I didn't knock you up and leave you with twins."

"You're twisted, you know that?"

Smurf gave a bitter laugh.

"One day you're gonna find someone who will put up with your weird taffy ways, and then I'll give you this back for her. Poor mare's gonna need a sweetener. Agreed?"

Smurf wiped the tears from his eyes and tried to give Molly a smile. Right now he couldn't imagine wanting to be with anyone but her, but he couldn't go on kidding himself. It wasn't going to happen.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Smurf trying to get a handle on his emotions. He couldn't look at Molly, but from the sounds of the sniffing coming from her she was doing the same thing.

"Mates?" he ventured cautiously.

"Mates"

"So then, you and the bossman?"

"I don't want to talk about it"

"Well what do you normally talk about with your mates?"

"We normally get drunk and talk about crap shags we've had"

"Well then, back to you and the boss then. How crap was he?"

Molly rolled her eyes, reluctant to discuss this with him. "Well, normally I start from the worst and work upwards meaning I start with some welsh tosser I met on my phase 2..."

"Well that could be anyone. Except me of course."

"Are you calling me some kind of slapper?"

"Course not Dawesy" he grinned and gave her a nudge. "Seriously though, you going to visit him?"

Molly grimaced. "I don't know if I can, it was well weird last time, and then his wife and kid came in, I just felt, dunno, like I didn't belong."

::::::::::::::

"She didn't come did she?" Smurf glanced across at Captain James lying on the bed.

"I don't know what you're talking about"

"The other day, she came to give me my medal, she didn't visit you did she?"

"Who?" Asked Charles, feigning ignorance. He knew who Smurf was talking about but didn't want to admit anything to himself. He didnt want to think that she had been here and hadn't come to see him.

"Molly."

"I don't care what Dawes does."

"I think that's called bullshit sir"

"No, I think you'll find that's called insubordination"

Smurf was in no mood to play the part of a loyal soldier. He felt so much pain, why not share it around?

"Maybe she's just started to work out that you were just leading her on."

Charles maintained a stony silence, not looking at Smurf.

"Dawes is my mate. I'm just looking out for her"

Charles gave a hollow laugh "A bit sodding late for that isn't it? We could have all done with some of your loyalty a few weeks ago on that bridge"

The blood roared in Smurf's ears, he could feel the rage coiling up inside him like a spring just waiting for him to snap and release it. He'd always had a temper, when people asked his mum how she could tell him and Geraint apart she always said if you give it five minutes the one throwing a paddy would be Dylan. Geraint was easy-going; Dylan was forever flying off the handle. The army had taught him some self discipline, it had given him different avenues to channel his angry feelings into something constructive, but lately it was harder and harder to control his temper. He knew he had to try though, if not for himself then for Molly.

"You're forgetting that I saw you and her in the bunker. I heard what you said. You want her to be the last thing you see. Wasn't that it? And now you don't care? Maybe you use that line all the time. Maybe it's all forgotten now you're back home with your wife?"

"What?"

"Molly is my friend. I know she hasn't heard from you because every time I talk to her she asks how you are, but I noticed your wife is here regularly enough,"

Charles didn't know what to say. He first instinct was to blame Rebecca, but even in his anger he knew that wasn't really fair. She brought Sam, and after 6 months away he desperately wanted to see and spend time with his son. True, she didn't need to be in the room with them all the time, and he often wished she would go off for a coffee so he could be with Sam by himself, but it seemed unnecessarily picky to ask her. He was simply grateful to her for helping him continue his relationship with his son. After all, being a single parent for months at a time while he was deployed couldn't be easy.

Still, he knew if he didn't keep an eye on things that it would be all too easy to slide back into some sort of comfortable arrangement with Rebecca. He wasn't thinking they would get back together, but he knew Rebecca well enough to know that she could all too easily come to rely on him emotionally, and that he would tolerate it on account of Sam. He was also aware of what that would look like from the outside.

He was a private man. No one liked to dwell on the family that stayed behind when they were deployed, and he didn't tend to talk about details with his troops. He hadn't mentioned the separation or divorce to anyone all through training and on tour. It hadn't seemed necessary.

"She comes so I can spend time with my son. She's no longer my wife, Dawes knows that. What I said to her in that bunker was for her only, it's got nothing to do with you. Stop dressing your jealousy up as concern for her feelings. Dawes is a grown woman, she can handle more than you and I give her credit for."

Charles hoped he sounded convincing. The news that she had been in the same building and hadn't come to visit really stung. Had Rebecca been here at the same time? Had she seen her and decided to stay away, or maybe she hadn't intended to see him at all. The latter was the was almost too horrible to think about. He had felt that despite everything Molly did have feelings for him, feelings that were strong enough he thought to get them this far, there was no reason for them to falter at this stage. Up to now he hadn't been unduly worried that he hadn't seen or heard from her beyond that morning after the operation. She would be back at barracks, she had the medal presentation, the final briefings and post deployment checks to keep her busy. Then going back home where her family would take up her time.

But he couldn't deny she hadn't been in contact. Since her visit she hadn't written or phoned. He wasn't sure if she had his email or phone number, he didn't have hers. He had asked his mother to get him his laptop and phone and she had finally relented, but there had been nothing. He had thought she might not have been able to get his contact details; but he'd never thought she wouldn't be trying to contact him. Then he remembered her eyes when she had come; they looked deeply sad, but they held something else, something he didn't want to think she could ever feel for him. Pity


	3. Chapter 3

Smurf sat perfectly still by the side of the bed, his eyes downcast, concentrating on breathing in and out, in and out as he tried to bring his feelings under control. Captain James wasn't married. There was no wife. He wasn't the bastard he had built him up to be. He hadn't been leading Molly on. She had known about his wife. His child. She'd known it all, all the time. Everything Molly had said must be true. She wasn't going to change her mind. He wasn't going to get the girl. The realisation hit him suddenly, leaving his head spinning and his lungs gasping for breath.

Had he been able to look up he would have seen the look of anger fall away from Captain James' face through an expression of pain to despair. Silence engulfed them as each man absorbed the weight of their thoughts. Outside the door the bustle of the hospital continued, doors opened and closed, voices murmured, trolley wheels squeaked over polished thin lino. The silence grew.

The door swung open and a nurse poked her head into the room "Ahh, there you are Private Smith. We need to do your discharge paperwork, will you be much longer?"

Smurf and Charles looked up, their eyes unfocused as they mentally dragged themselves back into the room.

"Umm, sure. Yeah. Give me five minutes?" stuttered Smurf.

"Of course" she replied, giving them a kindly smile "take as long as you need". The door swung shut behind her.

Charles was the first to speak. "Well then Private Smith, I think we're done here, don't you? Best get along now, people are waiting."

Smurf got to his feet and stood to attention. "Sir". Charles gave him a cursory nod, dismissing him. He turned took a few steps towards the door. His heart sank a little with every step. This wasn't how he thought this would go. He had come here to build bridges, to try and let his CO know he still wanted to be part of the platoon. Instead he'd shouted at him and questioned his authority. He couldn't work out how it had gone so wrong. Why hadn't he been able to keep a lid on it?

Halfway to the door a thought started to form in his head. It might not be too late. He stood still, torn between trying again and walking away. He battled with himself, the reasons for and against pitted against each other until he couldn't think clearly. Charles watched his retreating back realising before Smurf had that this conversation wasn't over yet.

"She's scared boss" Smurf's voice was low, tinged with hesitation. He stood facing the doorway, refusing to turn around.

Charles rolled his eyes and sighed. All he wanted was for Smurf to get out and leave him alone.

"I mean it" continued Smurf, the certainty of his feelings giving him the courage to turn and face his Captain. "I reckon she's too scared to come see you"

"And what makes you think that Smurf?"

"I know her. I understand how she is. She's cocky, like she doesn't care, but I reckon that's just her trying to keep people away"

Charles looked up at Smurf, he looked animated, the truth of his words clear in his face. He knew was speaking sense, he had thought the same as well but a part of him didn't want to admit that Smurf was right. He didn't want to think that he knew Molly that well, that the Private shared a closeness with her that he didn't. He knew that his response was ridiculous, childish even, but he didn't care. He wasn't thinking like a commanding officer right now, he was angry and jealous and frustrated with how little control he had over his life and emotions.

"A matter of weeks ago you were convinced you knew Molly so well you thought she would marry you, what makes you think you understand her at all?"

Smurf stared at him, disbelief that he had just been spoken to like that written all over his face. He cast about frantically for something to say, some sort of comeback that would floor the other man. He had nothing.

He sank down in the chair, barely noticing when he jarred his shoulder. He looked at his Captain. "Do you really hate me that much?" he asked, in a low voice. "I love Molly. I thought I wasn't coming back from that mission. I couldn't go without letting her know that, I just couldn't."

Charles looked down, avoiding Smurf's eyes. His last comment was too much, he knew that and felt guilty. He didn't hate him, but neither was he in any mood to offer him any sort of reassurance. From where he stood it looked like Smurf was holding all the winning cards. He had a history with Molly and despite all his fuck ups it looked like she was happy to keep a relationship going with the man, whereas all signs pointed to her avoiding any contact with him. He recalled her reaction when he had told her about resigning his commission, he had expected her to be happy; instead she had been quiet and looked worried. He wondered if it was too late. Could he take his resignation back, and if he did would he be able to return to active service? Would he ever be in a position to lead again?

"My apologies Private Smth, that was uncalled for. I know why you did what you did and it's not my place to question that." It was a feeble excuse for an apology, but it was the best he could do in the circumstances. "As for your questions about the future I can't give you any answers. I have a long rehabilitation ahead of me and I don't know at this point whether I will be declared fit for active service at the end of it. In the immediate term you should concentrate on your own recovery and await your orders when you have been discharged by the medical board. I've no doubt that the platoon will work well with any new Captain appointed."

"But you will come back?"

"Its rather out of my hands at the moment Private. You're a soldier, you know how this works, you go where they send you. You don't get to pick and choose."

"And Molly...I mean Dawes?"

"Dawes was only seconded to us. She'll be back to her regular unit and the platoon will be assigned a permanent medic."

"Because of you and her?'

"What? No. Because that's the way it is. There is no Dawes and I." Charles desperately tried to shut the conversation down.

Smurf was still for a moment as his Captain's words sunk in. He looked at him. He lay on the bed, sweating with the effort of sitting at such a slight angle. His skin was pale beneath its sheen of perspiration, his breathing quick and shallow as he tried to ignore the pain.

"I remember when Geraint came home. I was on leave from basic and all he could talk about was you. He thought the world of you."

Charles closed his eyes and sighed deeply. Smurf was like a dog with a bone.

"I'm glad he's dead. He couldn't stand watching you feel sorry for yourself. He'd be giving you a kick up the arse."

Charles gritted his teeth. He'd like nothing more than to give Smurf the dressing down he seemed to need, but he couldn't even get up from his bed to look him in they eye. He suddenly felt exhausted. The effort of sitting up this high was starting to tire him out, the dull ache in his side was becoming more acute. His conversation with Smurf seemed to be going nowhere and all he wanted was to be left alone.

"I would never have to have this conversation with your brother, partly because he would have had the sense to know when something was none of his business but mainly because if he had been lead man on that bridge he wouldn't have shot a fucking goat and given a key target a chance to open fire on us. I've answered your questions Smurf. I won't discuss my private life with you." Charles spoke through gritted teeth, his temper hanging by a thread. He didn't look up, his eyes locked on the foot of the bed. There was a long pause. He could just make out the shape of Smurf from the corner of his eye, he remained still for a long time, then he made out the smallest movement as the Private raised his head.

"Do you know what it feels like to be inside her? To feel her breath hot on the side of your neck as she begs you for more, more, more? To make her come?"

Charles' head snapped round, his hand reached out towards Smurf as he grasped ineffectually at the air between them. The stitches in his side pulled, a blinding white hot flash of pain followed by black dots swimming in front of his eyes. His heart raced as the adrenalin hit his system, the pit of his stomach dropping away as waves of cold anger flowed through his body. He couldn't form words, just a guttural cry of anger and pain, mental and physical. Smurf instinctively dodged away from Charles' grasp, his body nimble, ready for flight even though he knew the Captain couldn't move from the bed. He felt like he was soaring, at last he had got some reaction from Charles, no longer fobbed off with stock military answers and closed down denials. He had finally found the open wound to poke at to elicit a real reaction.

"You've crossed the fucking line Smithy, I've put up with your crap for long enough now. I am going to come down on you like a ton of fucking bricks"

"And do what? You can't say anything about me without dropping yourself and Molly in the shit. Everything I've just said, I've felt all those things and you can't stand it. That's why you're angry with me. But from where I'm sitting the only person in this room you should be angry with is yourself."

"I knew Molly was special as soon as I met her. There was no one else that I had met that came close. Being with her was amazing, but I couldn't tell her that, because you don't do you? I never called her although I wanted to. I knew we were heading out on tour soon, she was in Keogh, and I was in Catterick and the lads ripped the piss enough as it was so I never phoned her. I pissed my chance away because I didn't do anything. You're doing everything I did. You have a chance to have everything and you're lying here feeling sorry for yourself."

"I sat outside this room all night with her while she waited for you. I have one night when she slept in my arms, while she cried and hoped to love you. It's all I'll ever have and it's a piss poor second place. But I'll take it because that's all I'm going to get. You're just fucking lying here doing nothing. You haven't even asked me for her number. You don't deserve her and from what I can see she's not missing out on anything."

With that Smurf stood up and turned his back, not standing to attention, not waiting to be dismissed. He left Charles lying on the bed half twisted, the pain in his side too much to turn back. His breath came in quick shallow gasps as he stretched out his left arm to hit the call button before finally slumping back onto his pillows hearing the squeak of Smurf's trainers on the lino growing ever distant until they were finally silenced by the shutting door.

* * *

Seven hours later...

Molly: you up now?

Smurf: Mam making tea. What is it?

Molly: don't let me disturb your busy schedule of sleeping all day

Smurf: I'm an invalid

Molly: Bollocks. Must be hard work sat on your arse

Smurf: piss off

Molly: Newport still a shithole?

Smurf: its fabulous why do you want to come and see it again?

Molly: once was enough

Molly: what you doing?

Smurf: nothing just a bit of tele. You?

Molly: same. Boring innit

Smurf: Mums watching some talent show stuff. seen more talent when Mansfield burped the James Bond theme

Molly: cant believe I miss you fuckmuppets

Smurf: Is it true you're going back to your unit?

Molly: where did you hear that?

Smurf: bossman said so

Molly: You saw him? How is he?

Smurf: feeling sorry for himself

Smurf: you there?

Molly: yeah

Smurf: something I said?

Molly: no. needed the kharzi

Smurf: didn't need to know that

Molly: you asked

Smurf: next time make something up. Adjusting your suspenders is a good one.

Molly: Dream on. is that man dancing with a duck?

Smurf: what?

Molly: on the TV you numb nut

Smurf: Jesus, you're watching this?

Molly: need the distraction from your miserable conversation

Smurf: I'm the life and soul me

Molly: of the morgue

Molly: was his wife there?

Smurf: I'd put money on duck man not having a wife

Molly: the boss you bellend

Smurf: why do you call her that? boss says you know she's not

Molly: she must want him back

Smurf: she wasn't there, hasn't been for a few days. He didn't look like he was missing her. Difficult to tell though, he had a bit of a cob on.

Molly: why

Smurf: nothing to do with me

Molly: doubt that

Smurf: this is getting boring

Molly: its prime time Saturday night tele.

Smurf: I'd rather be stuck in the sanger getting shot at for company

Molly: what about the delights of Newport, not going out to chase some skirt?

Smurf: Not tonight Got to give the other lads a fighting chance

Molly: did I say skirt? I meant sheep

Smurf: Ha ha Not heard that one before

Smurf: I think he'll call soon

Molly: who

Smurf: the boss

Molly: don't want to talk about him

Smurf: I'm sure he will

Molly: zip it

* * *

Charles became aware of someone moving near to his bed. Voices murmured incoherently as he drifted out of sleep. He turned his head towards the window, the blinds hadn't been shut and he could make out the silhouette of the trees against the darkening sky.

"Hello there sleepyhead" he turned towards the voice, a nurse stood at the end of his bed, smiling broadly at him over the chart in her hand.

"How long have I been asleep?" His voice was quiet, cracking with sleep and thirst.

"A good six hours. Your little escapade obviously wore you out. What happened?"

"I got dizzy, must have lost my balance"

"Well no more sitting up. It's your body's way of telling you it was too much too soon." He found her tone irritated him beyond reason.

"You missed your last dose, but they've given you something to help with pain. How is it now?"

"Hurts like hell"

"I'll check to see if I can get you something for that. Anything else you need?"

"No. Thank you."

"Alright then" she hooked his notes back onto the foot of the bed. Reaching into her pocket she pulled out a sheet of paper ripped from a notebook. "This was left at the nurses station for you." She placed it on the cabinet next to him.

He heard her leave before he turned to try to lift the note from the cabinet. The movement tugged at his abdomen and he winced at the pain again. Eventually he picked it up and read the message.

_'Call her' _and a number scrawled underneath in messy writing. Charles folded it neatly and placed it carefully in the cabinet. Then he turned and carried on watching the dusk gather outside the window.

* * *

**Well, we've left Charles in rather a dark place. Is he going to pull himself together and go get the girl? What do you think? You can read chapter 3 of Op Nyota if you want to know how I see it.**

**As ever I need to thank my cheerleader (and chief smoke blower) jenmc for her advice and reassurance.**

**I started writing this with a crap opinion of Smurf, but at the end of this I've rather warmed to him. I have tried to think what sort of effects a small bleed on his brain might have and decided that it would be slightly magnifying some aspects of his personality, in this case lessening the control he has over a temper that he's already shown towards Molly, Charles and his mum. I have no basis for this other than my own plot devices. That's not to say I don't think he's an arse at times.**

**Thanks to everyone that has read and reviewed. It's very heartwarming to know that people are reading and enjoying what I've written and it's a great motivation to keep at it when the story isn't flowing so well. I'd like to thank all the other ff writers for their wonderful stories, there are some absolute belters out there right now and I don't always take the time to review when I should. I will try harder in future to be more appreciative of your efforts.**


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